.....I felt unwanted. The feeling of rejection always showed up whenever I had people around me. Soon, I began to find pleasure in being alone. It turned out that the love I had for everyone around me turned sour and gradually, I began to hate. Sometimes, I had my senses, I’ll become sober and will want to talk to someone, and other times, I was without my senses and didn’t give a damn. As time went on, I began to see myself in my dreams and imaginations commit suicide in different ways and with time, I began to think of it. I had and heard too many voices in my head and soon, my own voice died down. I had no power anymore. This suicidal thought controlled me.
One beautiful Monday morning, I served myself the best wine ever - SNIPPER. I smiled at myself as I looked at my reflection in the mirror for as long as I can remember. I knew I had become a shadow of my true self. I suddenly developed hatred for the figure I saw in the mirror. My urge for suicide increase. I searched my bookshelf for any notepad I could lay my hands on. The world will commend me for my story and my super action, I thought. I smiled at myself as I began to scribble words.
After about half an hour, I was done writing. I felt like an Olympic champion as I dropped the notepad. But as I did, my attention was drawn to the best book. It was my Bible. I hated it at that moment. I went for it with the intention of ripping it off but then, a paper dropped from it. It didn’t look like my plans were going on well as planned but I was so desperate to see content of the paper only to be met by the words I scribbled in church the previous day. It was certainly of no use. I was about destroying everything when Matthew.11:28 caught my attention. I wondered how it got in there because it did something to me. I felt a load being lifted off my chest and the pain there was gone -the pain I got as a result of the battle that went on within me. I had sold myself to a master I knew nothing about. The blindness of my mind became obvious to me as I realized this master of mine wanted nothing but my death.
The window to my soul- my eyes, became opened. I knew there was something I needed to know. I threw myself on the floor as I knew there was more to all of these. There was more to this scripture that opened my eyes in seconds. As I cried for more, so was More standing before me. He stretched forth His hands of love and breathed fresh upon me the Breath of Life. He told me I was perfect. He told me His thoughts towards me are thoughts of good. He told me He died that I might live. He told me I now have a new life in Him. He told me I am His child. He told me I am justified. My worries were gone, my pains were gone and my hope was restored. I received strength as I forgot about my past and was renewed. All I asked More was that He remained in my life much more than I could ever wish or desire.
Dear reader, it doesn’t matter what you feel like right now. It doesn’t matter how miserable your past is or how terrible your mistakes are. All that matters is, there is More and He is waiting for you. Nothing in this world can satisfy but More is more than enough.